Hi friends! Welcome to the show! You’re probably seeing this on your Reddit feed or were sent this directly, most likely by me, accompanied by a cheeky caption like “the one where I acquire a nemesis” or something. Any way you’ve tuned in, I would kindly ask that you pass this along to someone who you think might also be interested. Thanks!
Motivation is a fickle thing.
I can go to bed with such a drive and focus that I grudgingly push down in the interest of getting good sleep, then wake up with such a slim connection to that state of mind, it can feel as if I’d never even thought of having it. Days can pass me by under a half-interested gaze and, when inspiration does strike, it comes from all sides like it was waiting for my guard to lower. But so quickly does it contain itself to a bout of daydreaming, encircled by a brief lapse in attention during another task (like this one), and scrambled back to the trenches at the frayed edges of consciousness, that as quickly as any action can be considered, it’s already an ambient glow behind a cloud. Why continuing this project has been so important to me is because it’s served as a much-needed outlet for those little sparks that, unlike others at my disposal, I feel more free to experiment and play around in without feeling (too) embarrassed. It’s easier for me to share words than it is to share pictures.
So let me write some more words to share.
I went 7-8 yesterday evening, not warming up with anything but nonetheless showing up to play in my first (and certainly not last) sniper duel of the night against a fiery Ashe in a hard-fought win on Hanaoka. A strong start for Clover and myself carries us to a much less impressive attack on King’s Row, wherein any stability was swept out from under us by a dominating (and really toxic) Freja. I somehow got POTG in this game, but I haven’t seen it yet: I left the lobby before POTG was announced, but since the “leave as group” button is still broken, my groupmate informed me of that…and the crashout from the Freja that accompanied it.1
Kiwi joins in on defense for the first (and certainly not last) time on Circuit Royal where I catch a rolling start but have to pull a strong finish out of a Genji-stained quagmire. Esperança gives me my first Widow mirror of the night and our team narrowly secures the win in OT (despite my lackluster showing); attacking Rialto gives us the win behind strong first and second points and a burnt-out third; and Oasis gives me purchase to shine in a sweeping win on Gardens and City Center.
Our winning streak comes to a screeching halt when our fragile backline (i.e. me) defending Hollywood comes under fire from Lucío and Genji after a solid start. The following defensive front on Havana caves under a team-wide frag drought, and a pitiful steamroll loss on New Queen Street puts the penultimate nail in the coffin for Clover’s patience. Yet another losing defense on Blizzard World, this time accompanied by strong performances from Clover and myself on second, keeps the lid open enough for one last game from Clover on Dorado. Our fourth time defending an escort map out of five games ends quickly, in our favor for once, after a convincing opening drive forces an enemy Hanzo switch that threatens to take over the game.
Myself and Kiwi continue on to a severely unbalanced win on Ilios, where I worry I popped their Zenyatta’s cherry a little too hard, but the next game on Colosseo is much more paramount to the narrative here.
You see, I got my ass whooped in the mirror.
Watching the replay [code EVY8EK] back from their perspective, interspliced with my own when relevant, nothing revelatory jumps out at me. Different positioning decisions but a similar (flawed) approach to anti-air shots; super impressive shots under pressure but more scrabbled in the close-range, and the only info-game I can point to was perhaps a better foreknowledge of typical spots (or a more assertive adaptation to mine), but the scoreboard still tells a difference that feels almost metaphysical in scope. I can’t get it out of my head. The difference between us was so clear to me that it not only makes me appreciate how high the ceiling is, but makes me realize how few steps ahead that difference takes. I’ve watched Pine and LIP and SoOn and kevster and Carpe carve their legacies into Widow’s Kiss and define what this character is capable of at the highest level; the roof they raised is thousands of feet above the both of us, and it’s genuinely incredible to me what even a couple of floors worth of difference can feel like.
Aister, if you’re reading this, thank you and I’ll get you next time.
We end the night with much less motivating losses on Paraíso and Busan that didn’t feel great but couldn’t fully sober me up, and I drag myself to sleep about an hour and a half later. Banging out a dozen or so games every couple of days seems to be a good work around for my mercurial whims, but it’s not particularly satisfying. We’ll see what can be done about this “locking in” I’ve heard so much about.
Until then, I’ll be shooting the wind. Au revoir.
Today’s Record: 7-8
Total Record: 27-48
Total Playtime: 10:29:47
Lol. Lmao even.